There is definitely something not right here. LOOK how FAT I am!!! Mom felt of my belly last night and confirmed my suspicions. I DO have aliens inside me. She felt them.
I've been pretty good lately, trying to see how that works out for me. I've gotten to sleep in the bedroom a lot and not been in my crate much. It is awesome. I've been so happy, I haven't even peed on the floor!
Tonight, though...I had had enough. I am SO tired of this same old stupid food. I keep eating it, but they just give me the same stuff day in and day out. I got Mom to feed me some good stuff a couple of nights ago...TWO cans of it, too. Not tonight, though. She was in a terrible mood. I didn't want to eat my food. So, she let the other dogs outside and left me inside, commanding me to eat my food. No. Wasn't going to do it. I drank ALL the water...every bowl in the house...as fast as I could. She came in and I threw it up all over the carpet...all down the hallway. It was glorious. She was so mad.
I've been in my crate the rest of the evening. I'm wondering if she's going to let me eat anything at all. She was pretty mad. I might've taken it too far. I tried to blame it on the aliens, but I'm not sure she bought it.
Okay, I am definitely losing my figure. Just LOOK at me! And there are totally aliens inside of me. I feel them moving... All framing missions have been suspended. I have a crisis on my paws!
Things have been going good lately. I've been eating my dogfood again. Mom seems pleased by this. I got extra treats on it last night for no reason at all! It was awesome!
I still don't feel much like playing with the other dogs, but I love my toys. My favorite thing to do is still to irritate Casey. She is SO fun to torment. She just lays there and makes noise and doesn't move, so I keep poking her and sit on her and stuff until Mom yells at me. It usually doesn't take very long. I quit for a few minutes, then go back at it again. Then I like to go lay on top of Mom on the couch, but she gets mad at me for that, too. Something about me being all paws and elbows, but now I'm fat and drooly, too. I don't think that's a very nice thing to say, but I'm not sure.
OH! I almost forgot. So, I totally think all this feeling weird is Chance's fault and I still need to frame him for something. He keeps looking at me all funny, but wants to play. Something tells me that's a bad idea. Something in my stomach. It moves sometimes and I just stare at it. I think I might have aliens. Anyway, he really got to me last night and so I took his most favorite toy and shredded it to pieces. I tried to do it in front of him, but the door was closed. Oh, it felt SO good. Mom took it away from me before I could eat the bits and pieces, though. But I think he was definitely missing it this morning. I laughed on the inside but pretended I didn't know anything on the outside. He tried to eat my food. Yeah, I really have to get him in trouble somehow.
Day 1: Destroyed favorite toy. Removed squeaker and was running around squeaking nonstop. Mom removed it from my mouth and threw it in the tall blue smelly thing. Then she yelled at me for opening the lid of the tall blue smelly thing.
Day 2: Mom failed to completely remove toy from the premises. I de-stuffed it and tried to eat the stuffing. Mom removed stuffing from my mouth and threw the toy away. She is ALWAYS THERE. Ugh.
Day 3: Chance dug out a new toy from Mom's special stash. I don't understand why if I do that, I get in trouble. If HE does it, she laughs and tells him how cute he is. He is so spoiled. He gets away with everything. Must plan to frame him for something soon.
Took new toy from Chance and refused to put it down to eat my breakfast. I thought I'd get special food. Mom knew what I was up to and took the food AND toy away. I ate all of my dinner and was good the rest of the night. I think Mom might be smarter than I think. On to framing Chance for something...
So I'm thinking I don't like this being pregnant thing. I've been eating my dogfood again because well, it's not bad, but they've stopped giving me extra treats. I might have to do something about that. I always leave some food in the bowl so they'll think maybe they should give me some Beggin' Strips (oh, they bought more, I can smell them on the counter!). But, Chance just thinks it's some sort of offering for him and eats it before they notice. He ruins everything. Stupid boys.
Anyway, so mom used to take me like all sorts of places every weekend. Now I don't get to go anywhere. I just sit in my crate or play with my toys in the living room. I peed on the floor the other night just for some adventure. I don't think they were amused. But it's just hot outside and boring inside and this stinks. I want to GO somewhere!!! Maybe if I start acting really bad they'll realize I'm bored and take me somewhere again. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mom says I am 4 weeks pregnant. That means little dogs are living inside of me.
She's been telling me for weeks now that I was special. One day I was just playing with my buddy Chance, the next she wouldn't let me play with anyone and started making me eat LOTS of food. At first I thought it was kinda cool. Now I'm tired of it. I feel weird and I don't want to eat so much.
Unless there are Beggin' Strips. I'll ALWAYS eat Beggin' Strips. And know what? She RAN OUT OF THEM yesterday. So, she cooked this chewy bloody stuff for me she called liver and then put some globby white stuff she called cottage cheese on top of it. I ate it, mostly. But it wasn't a Beggin' Strip. That's all I really wanted.
Tonight they just gave me dog kibble. I walked off. Chance started eating it. I didn't care, but Dad yelled at him. I went back to my bowl and, I don't know, it just smelled better. I ate all of it. The humans got like super excited about that. They are so weird sometimes.