Token here. Would you just LOOK at the size of my sister?? We went to the poking place again. They took pictures of our bellies. They said Bailey made 8 puppies. I made 5. I was way smarter that way, because my puppies have lots of room to stretch out and move around and I am not so huge. Why just this morning, I was agile enough to launch off the porch, roll in the mud and rain, then chase Bailey’s kids around for a while! She can’t do that. She can barely walk! And the humans are fussing over her constantly. She’s sooo needy. No wonder they made her litter the “Fairy Tale” litter. She’s a little princess. And she’s stealing the computer…
Token, I am just more efficient, growing as many little darlings as I can. It will be worth it, you’ll see how perfect they are. And Mom and Dad fuss over me because they love me. You’re in a crate because you’re just in the way. Although I wouldn’t mind if Mom stuck that beeping stick up your *** a little more often like she does me. That’s just not fair. And I am cranky. Because I am huge. But, I have more puppies, so :oP. And, I’m going to have mine first, that’s why I get the better theme. They say I can have them any time nowPlus, they know my puppies are awesome already. Yours might all be like Chance.
This is Token. And I just hacked your blog.
Do you think I can’t read? You are WAY fatter than I am, even with your stupid “I’m a Princess” act and refusal to eat anything. You just wait until Mom falls asleep and I steal the camera. I am just trying to do what is best for my children, eat as healthy as I can instead of all that extra junk you eat. I mean, Beggin’ Strips are no way to raise children. And you better watch out when our babies do come because if you don’t love yours, I’m going to take them and care for them myself…because unlike you, I realize I can pick up my babies! Can’t believe you never figured that one out.
Can you believe how fat Token is!? -Love, Bailey
Well, I have not been good at keeping you all up to date this time! But in my defense, I have not been allowed to roam free quite as much as before. It’s like the humans don’t trust me.
I am DEFINITELY pregnant again. Mom took me to the vet a couple of weeks ago and they pushed on me with that awful probe thing and said they saw babies inside. I’ve decided I’m good with it. My sister, Token, is also pregnant, so it’s been fun to have a buddy. We play together a lot and I definitely look better than she does (posted a picture of her…OMG she is fat!). Plus, I get special food every single day. Token just eats whatever she’s given…I keep telling her if she’ll act like she isn’t hungry for like five seconds, they’d give her something special, but she has no self-control. Me? I pick at it and they either give me some delicious mousse or duck and potato roll…YUM!
Mom hasn’t been feeling well, so I haven’t gotten as much of her attention as last time and I’m not real happy about that. She was gone for a while on Monday and came back with holes in her. Dad said she had surgery. My daughter, Stella, tried to lick her wounds earlier today and got yelled at. Glad it wasn’t me. I tried to warn her mom can be a little touchy sometimes. So anyway, poor Token and me haven’t gotten much attention and everyone has just been focused on Mom. I hope she’s okay, especially since I think these puppies are getting pretty big. Mom did tell me I had 17 days left. I’ll have to try to remember that. And I’ll try to push it to at least 18 just to mess with her.
I haven't had a reason to write in awhile. Mom did start taking me to training classes and to shows and it was fun, but apparently my idea of fun and hers are not the same thing. I mean, I go to these shows, go into the ring, politely say hello to the clipboard holding person, dutifully investigate all aspects of the floor, and then stand beside mom, ready to be called into action! What more do they want? Mom keeps saying "Heel!" like that's the only trick they want to see. Whatever, I'm so beyond that. She'll realize that someday. Oh, and she always wants me to do this stuff and forgets to take food into the show ring. What's up with that? You want me to do what you want and not what I want, but you're not going to give me anything? Yeah, right.
The real reason I'm writing today is that I think I might be pregnant again. I'm not sure how I feel about that. At first, I was really excited. My kids are so perfect. Percy torments Casey just perfectly and Stella is super stubborn just like me. I have raised them so well! I can't get them to spit their food everywhere or truly refuse commands yet, but all in good time... So, yeah, I thought having more kids would be cool. But now I'm starting to remember the other stuff. I don't feel like eating right now, though mom gave me this stuff she called "chihuahua puppy" food and it was delicious. And, the kibbles were so small they were really fun to spit at the other dogs when they walked by! But I remember that stupid beeping stick and throwing up all the time and, this is the worst one, getting sooo fat. So I'm not sure I'm too happy about it. I'm not sure how it happens, but I suspect it was Chance's fault again. Things are usually his fault. Mom says next week I go to the vet for something. Maybe they will know more.
Whew, what an adventure! It’s been ages since I’ve written, but I’ll try to catch everyone up. First of all, raising 10 kids is a nightmare. They are constantly making messes, wanting food, or trying to run away. My humans weren’t a lot of help with any of that. They kept taking them and cuddling them and stuff. Enablers. This was especially bad once we were all allowed outside. Have you ever tried to keep track of 10 kids in a huge area filled with hazards? I tell you, it is impossible. Token helped as much as she could, but even between the two of us, it was just impossible. They were everywhere. And my human mom kept calling them all to her and running away and stuff.
Fast forward a bit and they all kept disappearing. New people would come and one of my kids would leave with them. At first, I was really upset by this. I mean, who did these people think they were? I thought maybe it was because I wasn’t taking good enough care of them, so I nursed them even more and cleaned them constantly so they could have no excuse to take them from me. I really should get a mother of the year award.
But, they kept leaving. I now know it was for the best. There is no way I would have been able to continue caring for all of them and I trust that mom interrogated the new humans enough that they will take good care of my babies. Two stayed here, the little sickly screaming one and my daughter. I love them both so much and they are SO fun to play with!
So, I wanted to write about all of that earlier, but mom was traveling WITHOUT ME and took both computers with her. I mean really, what does one human need two computers for anyway? She is so aggravating sometimes. Then she comes back and is all like “Oh, Bailey, you are so fat,” and stuff. She says we are going to lose weight together. Yeah, I’ll see it when I believe it. I’ll lose weight because she has me on a super strict diet, but she still eats chocolate all the time. Okay, I’ll admit, I’m still a little sore about her leaving for a month. Oh, and then she keeps telling my daughter how much she loves her and how she isn’t like me, but is even smarter. Well, I think that’s an insult, but I’m going to pretend I didn’t get it. Anyway, earlier today she finally figured out that Stella had been scratching the drywall by her crate and had a huge hole in the wall. Ha. Serves her right. At least I never ate the walls. Smarter than me, my tail! Takes after her dad if you ask me, that two-timing, arrogant brat.
Oh, and speaking of her dad… He just prances around all the time and tries to steal my food and I’m like, hey, I’m already on a diet, you touch that, you die. He backs off, but he still just walks around here like he’s entitled to everything. Apparently he got some more ribbons lately. Big deal. I told him that I’m sure if Mom ever took me anywhere I’d get ribbons, too. Probably just for being adorable.
So, I think Mom overheard that and she says I’m going to be in a class starting in a few weeks, then we’ll get to travel and earn ribbons together. I really hope we do, because I would love to shove them in Chance’s face. Oh, and I guess I’d like spending time with mom, too.
So a few weekends ago, I finally discovered what all this was about. I DID have puppies inside of me!!! Eleven puppies. I started feeling really weird and mom made me stay in my new box. I didn't mind...I was just so tired, so I slept all day. Mom was still following me around with that stupid beeping stick she liked to stick up my rear and that morning she'd gotten all excited about something. Whatever, I was tired. After it got dark and Mom and Dad were talking about how cool it was that they were going to have a meteor shower for their anniversary, I started feeling REALLY weird. Things were happening. Something told me to start pushing. So, I did.
Mom totally freaked out. She ran and got Dad and they came and stared at me. After awhile, Mom stuck her HAND up my you-know-what...EW! I freaked out a little over that. And then...and then...something amazing happened. A little squirming ball of goo came out. Mom took it away and did some stuff to it until it started screaming. I wanted to see it so bad, but she kept telling me to wait.
Then she gave it to me. He was beautiful. I licked him clean and cuddled him and Mom helped him nurse. I loved him so much.
Then I had another one.
Until I had ten of them.
They were all perfect. Mom cleaned everything up and started to go to bed. But I wasn't done. I had one more puppy. I pushed and pushed, but I was sooo tired. I could barely move and I was shaking. Mom was on the phone a lot. Then she took my puppies away and put us all in the car. We went to the doctor place and they put that probe thing on me again. They said my puppy wasn't alive. I pushed her out. She was perfect, too, but didn't move...I didn't understand and I tried to lick her and tell her it was okay...but they took her away. I don't know what I did wrong, but I miss her sometimes. They told me to focus on my other babies.
And I have. They are growing and growing and they eat and eat and eat, so I eat and eat and eat, but I'm still ALWAYS hungry.
For a little while, they just laid there and cried a lot. But now they are bigger and they are fun to play with. I really like two of them who will play now. Some are a little boring still. One screams all the time. I ignore him. Let Mom deal with it. And one is real little and Mom keeps taking him away from me. I tried to play with him, but he screamed. I leave him alone now. He's a little too sensitive.
Oh, and the best part? I'm not fat anymore! Mom says I look anorexic. I don't know what that means, but it must mean beautiful because I feel SO much better! I can reach into the trash again and shred things, I have the energy to chew up all the puppy toys, and I can run around the yard like crazy instead of coming in when Mom calls. It is wonderful! And I have ten playmates! I hope Mom helps me post a picture of them all, because they are totally perfect. Except the real sensitive one. I think I might let Mom keep him. Oh, and the screamy one. She can keep that one, too. Those must be Chance's puppies. And don't get me started on him. He hasn't helped AT ALL except to throw stuff in the box with them. THEY DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID TOYS WITH YOUR NASTY SLOBBER ALL OVER THEM! Stupid dog. I can't believe I used to be friends with him. Anyway, like I said, I have 8 perfect playmates now, so who needs him?
I think I've finally figured out what Mom and Dad have been doing in that back room. They've been fixing it for ME! It's actually really beautiful and I'm honored. I guess they love me a lot. They moved all the other dogs out of it and it's all mine. I must be their most favorite now. I have been trying to be really good. I have a big box instead of a crate with the most comfortable bed ever in it. It's all mine and I don't have to share it! There is a treat buffet (I'm not sure the humans know about this, please don't tell them I know how to open the boxes!), lots of windows to look out, and a nice cool floor. It's like my own little palace! So, things are going wonderful. Mom still keeps sticking that beeping stick in me. I keep trying to run away, but she always corners me. It's more and more often now. I don't get it. Maybe I'll try to find the stick and eat it. I'm pretty sure one good crunch and she wouldn't be sticking it anywhere anymore.
I'm really tired a lot and the puppies inside me never sleep. They are making my belly squirm constantly. It's really uncomfortable and I don't know how to tell them to stop. I want to growl at them or something, but I've never growled before and I think it would be silly. Mom still puts her hands on me and laughs when they move. I really want to tell her it isn't funny. Have I mentioned that I question my humans' sanity sometimes?
Anyway, speaking of sleep, Mom slept beside my new box last night. I hope this is a permanent arrangement...it's really nice to have her there. Dad wasn't in there, and I kind of missed him, but having Mom there was good. I slept better than I had in awhile and had SO much energy this morning! It's really a great day!
Oh! And here is a picture of my new box!! Mom said it wasn't quite done yet, but I still like it!
Rough weekend. I feel like I got beat up by a mutant giant cat. Do they have giant cats? That would be horrible.
These aliens...okay, dad says they are actually puppies, which makes WAY more sense...are driving me crazy. They are kicking me and moving around all the time. Every time I move, I throw up. I want to eat and drink so much, but it makes me feel bad. I just want them OUT. Mom keeps telling me "soon" and sticking a stick up my rear and making me stay. I figured out if I walk forward, the stick comes out, but Mom gets mad. Now she makes me stand in a corner so I can't walk away. I have to wait for the stick to beep before she lets me go. Really annoying.
Mom and Dad have been working in the back room a lot. I don't know what they are doing, but I keep trying to help. They really don't let me. It's looking good, though. I think I might want to live there for awhile. There is a nice bed out there. Mom says it's hers. We'll see. I've seen Casey on it a bunch when she's not home. Oh! Speaking of that...I totally figured out how to get out of my crate yesterday. I can't believe it took me so long! Mom thinks she's so smart putting me in the different kind since I broke out of the others when I was like way young, but I've got this one down now, too. I only stay in it sometimes to make them happy. And because there's nothing else to do.
Last night was nice, though. It was storming really bad outside and I got to cuddle on the couch with Mom and Dad. They kept putting their hands on my belly and laughing. I'm not sure what that was about. I worry about them sometimes. Mom says I get to go for a trip today. I hope it's a good one. Dad gave me a bath last night, so I think it must be something special.
*YAWN* They kept me up late last night and then got up early this morning, so I think it's time for a nice nap. Crazy humans.
There is definitely something not right here. LOOK how FAT I am!!! Mom felt of my belly last night and confirmed my suspicions. I DO have aliens inside me. She felt them.
I've been pretty good lately, trying to see how that works out for me. I've gotten to sleep in the bedroom a lot and not been in my crate much. It is awesome. I've been so happy, I haven't even peed on the floor!
Tonight, though...I had had enough. I am SO tired of this same old stupid food. I keep eating it, but they just give me the same stuff day in and day out. I got Mom to feed me some good stuff a couple of nights ago...TWO cans of it, too. Not tonight, though. She was in a terrible mood. I didn't want to eat my food. So, she let the other dogs outside and left me inside, commanding me to eat my food. No. Wasn't going to do it. I drank ALL the water...every bowl in the house...as fast as I could. She came in and I threw it up all over the carpet...all down the hallway. It was glorious. She was so mad.
I've been in my crate the rest of the evening. I'm wondering if she's going to let me eat anything at all. She was pretty mad. I might've taken it too far. I tried to blame it on the aliens, but I'm not sure she bought it.
Okay, I am definitely losing my figure. Just LOOK at me! And there are totally aliens inside of me. I feel them moving... All framing missions have been suspended. I have a crisis on my paws!