So a few weekends ago, I finally discovered what all this was about. I DID have puppies inside of me!!! Eleven puppies. I started feeling really weird and mom made me stay in my new box. I didn't mind...I was just so tired, so I slept all day. Mom was still following me around with that stupid beeping stick she liked to stick up my rear and that morning she'd gotten all excited about something. Whatever, I was tired. After it got dark and Mom and Dad were talking about how cool it was that they were going to have a meteor shower for their anniversary, I started feeling REALLY weird. Things were happening. Something told me to start pushing. So, I did.
Mom totally freaked out. She ran and got Dad and they came and stared at me. After awhile, Mom stuck her HAND up my you-know-what...EW! I freaked out a little over that. And then...and then...something amazing happened. A little squirming ball of goo came out. Mom took it away and did some stuff to it until it started screaming. I wanted to see it so bad, but she kept telling me to wait.
Then she gave it to me. He was beautiful. I licked him clean and cuddled him and Mom helped him nurse. I loved him so much.
Then I had another one.
Until I had ten of them.
They were all perfect. Mom cleaned everything up and started to go to bed. But I wasn't done. I had one more puppy. I pushed and pushed, but I was sooo tired. I could barely move and I was shaking. Mom was on the phone a lot. Then she took my puppies away and put us all in the car. We went to the doctor place and they put that probe thing on me again. They said my puppy wasn't alive. I pushed her out. She was perfect, too, but didn't move...I didn't understand and I tried to lick her and tell her it was okay...but they took her away. I don't know what I did wrong, but I miss her sometimes. They told me to focus on my other babies.
And I have. They are growing and growing and they eat and eat and eat, so I eat and eat and eat, but I'm still ALWAYS hungry.
For a little while, they just laid there and cried a lot. But now they are bigger and they are fun to play with. I really like two of them who will play now. Some are a little boring still. One screams all the time. I ignore him. Let Mom deal with it. And one is real little and Mom keeps taking him away from me. I tried to play with him, but he screamed. I leave him alone now. He's a little too sensitive.
Oh, and the best part? I'm not fat anymore! Mom says I look anorexic. I don't know what that means, but it must mean beautiful because I feel SO much better! I can reach into the trash again and shred things, I have the energy to chew up all the puppy toys, and I can run around the yard like crazy instead of coming in when Mom calls. It is wonderful! And I have ten playmates! I hope Mom helps me post a picture of them all, because they are totally perfect. Except the real sensitive one. I think I might let Mom keep him. Oh, and the screamy one. She can keep that one, too. Those must be Chance's puppies. And don't get me started on him. He hasn't helped AT ALL except to throw stuff in the box with them. THEY DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID TOYS WITH YOUR NASTY SLOBBER ALL OVER THEM! Stupid dog. I can't believe I used to be friends with him. Anyway, like I said, I have 8 perfect playmates now, so who needs him?